@.@

Boring...
It just seemed like a few couple of weeks passed...
But just a few days only..
How to stand it like that ??
Perhaps not to ask so many...
Trying to find back the happiness and time, giving self a big space...
Imagination..
Inspiration..
Both were gone after I deleted it..
Besides, it should easy to do my own..
The music that heard before only the part of the memories..
Thus, nothing to remind anymore..
Must be able to head over the memories wall..
..Wishing smile and happy anytime..

....

Strange of these days till weeks. Something which lost and lose very much. Desiring what I've want to but God just play a joke with me. Feeling life is pretty rotten. LOSE & LOST...
Empty heart fills with a colorful background which is trying to adorn the environment ; Standing in the crowded, should be attention in it but eyes are surveying periphery of it.
Thinking that you are around me....
Thinking about the things that we'd done...
That is so penetrating to...

Sky is full patches of dark clouds, it is going to have a heavy rain tonight...
You told me that, you like and you hate the rainy day..
You like it because it is nice weather to have a sleep...
You hate it because it is bad day to hang out..
You are cold and hiding in your solitary bed with a cover..
The message are enough heat to warm your body..
Pondering upon what you are doing..what you need..
But it isn't me anymore as a day came..

After that, your tears was brimming in your eye socket..
I felt that I was disorientated off by your sentences out from your mouth..
Memories were embedded in my mind that hard to be forgot...
Treating you nonchalantly because you need more space..Either it was true or not..
I will be impassibly as I see you..
Caresses that we did in a night and that only for the memories and it was meaningless now..
Shouldn't...Couldn't..Not anymore..
Running out of the wounds to heal it..
....Wish you happy and smile always....

LALALALALALALA ~~~

LALALLALLALALALALALA ~~
What I always blurted out from my mouth ~~ HEHE
Since so boring..just "LALALALALL~"
hoho..
Erm..Holidays made my life a bit kind of boring...
Stifling house and computer[Line] are driving me insane..
Today was Tuesday..15.39..
Sunny weather..warm air..could-less and blue BLUE Sky `~~
Looking out the window..feeling I'm lying on smooth and soft cloud...
Walking to a huge garden with a big lake [Something like Desa Park @@]
Let the breeze kiss your lips and face...
Taking some fresh air ~~ WOO ~~~ hehe
Having a regular ice-blended coffee bean
Reading your favorites' book/fiction...
Dislike reading?? Brisking on a smooth rocky pavement
Something like 6...
Sun is going down to the horizon made the sky become..[use your imagination]
Dont miss it..Taking out your camera and capturing it. ~~ WAHAHAHA !!
Anyway..just want to relieve my boring day @@
Mountain of homework(s) and assignments == Sweat==
End~ LALA

...

2010 March 13 , Saturday

Time flies so fast..Flied till March..
Feeling it was so fast that couldn't stop the time..
And I..just..followed the time and passed everyday without any sigh so much..
It wasn't what I wanted and I didn't want to..
Feelings gone as the time was turning to the next seconds...
Everyday..every seconds gone..Every things..just a word - passed
Good thing to me..as there was no more hesitate,blurted words and sigh...
Since so long no new post..
and I didn't mean to write so much..
If the post so long..just for myself..maybe..the reader will be bored because..it just like an essay..
Brain sapped..nothing more could come out from my mind..
Mind stunned..nothing more I could think about just my impediments of my life and forwards more my step to gain what I want..but not more about you..
Since there was a stop sign between a people to the other ; it was done..
Would an empty paper gives you any idea?
Sounds like..really empty..
Since it was empty..just left it and became empty..
Nothing about these few weeks or months..
Oh..something I forgot...Streamyx sux for me some how ==
End`

.....

Your weary-looking occurred on your face after the school. As usual, I would stand and wait in front of your class after the bell rang. I would help you to carry your books. You would always have a smile on your face because you said, smile was the most beautiful thing that I could ignite you from sorrow and despair to happy and excitement. Sometimes, you wouldn't smile or good emotion after the school , then I knew you would be pressured. I, seeing you like this and I would make you happy as I can. For a smile and you, nothing wasn't worthless I did if you weren't happy. But today....

We walked down together at the stair and you sent books to teacher. I could only wait you and went back home together. We would a lot of things to talk to discuss about usually. But today, my sense told me something happened promptly and I just did as usual. After you passed the book, then I sent you back to your home. Having a bid goodbye to our friends, you seemed like very strange to me and something I felt unusual was you didn't look at me in any moment we on the way to your home.

"Erem..Hey..You..alright??" I mumbled. You seemed like didn't listen what I said or you maybe pretending you didn't hear it. You will always reply my sentences with a grin or look at me. Look pleadingly in my eyes. Your tiny brown eyes. You would let me felt I was reborn after looking at your eyes. But today, from your eyes you gave me a feelings that we were done. "Erem..! you alright??!!", I said loudly. You turned around and took a deep breathe and said "We break off, I have no feelings on you, we just be friends and you no need to send me back to home, I will be ok." You turned back and just left me down there and continue to walk.

I hope I was deaf ; I couldn't response what you said. I was fascinated. Heart-wrenching. Stunned there.Surveying you after the sentence you said. I hope the sentences you said were just blurted out. With no reason you said to me, you wanted to break off. Without hesitation, I stepped back and began to run. Run to somewhere else as fast as I could. Aimlessly.Tears weren't spring out from my eyes. But would you ?? My heart were pain and "broke". Broke into a thousand of pieces JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR SENTENCES !!

Time is the precious things that make us be more matured and independent. Maybe you made this decision that you told me you got no feelings on me. I could accept because you were the first place in my heart. I will always respect your decision. Healing the wounds that you made, would take a longer time to recover it. But your reason...too...Never mind. Couple wouldn't be longer or suitable nouns for us but friends. As a friends, Forever friend to you.

End.

Posting

Something which is very motherfucking happened these few weeks..
Where you go and you will adapt to the environment..
Just feeling so shit about family member and myself of course.
Time flies and people change..
So dizzy about it..
Everybody just keep growing and changing..
Be bad..
Be good..(less percentage)
Either one..
So shit..
Waste money..shopping..buy a lot of "waste product" to home..
Not enough capacity to put..Those comestics just like bullshit things..==
Bought so much useless..
Make rubbish..
Waste product..rubbish which can't be recycle..
At last the Earth ruined by us..(Horseshit)
Crapping things..
Be more independent..January bye bye February hi hi..
Ass things were just like no more talk no more interact..
Bullshit things were just like sitting at the class pay attention to teacher..
Being so much enough of these motherfucking things..
Frustrating..
Talk less..Less talk..Unwilling to talk to share..
Study and game..
Prefer study right now since knowledge is priceless..
But lame..no people encourage to learn more..just look forward..(Sweat ==)
Look forwards for...??
No ideal plan..No ambition..No goal..No aim..CRAP !!
Then he/she born without a soul but just physical enjoyment..
Walking without destination..Study without brain..
SO SHIT..==
Rely is a word..It is a motherfucking word which is written in dictionary..
Dump ass..This word ; no soul no spirit..
Rely is good if it is less but instead..
Be more independent just what I said at top..
Day dreaming..thinking a matter which is won't happen..(BULL CRAP) for ???
Self enjoyment?? ==
I'm jumping from high hill...
So much enjoy with those feeling from high hill but not reached ground..
I'm driving surprisingly fast..
So much enjoy the speed but not braked..
Boring things come to an end..
End of post

Posting

Bell rang ; I just released from the hustle and bustle class because I was a good student. I packed my things and decided to find you. Went to your class but you weren't there. My mind was starting to guess where are you ; Emotion was starting to become moody since I couldn't see your smile. I walked to canteen to seek you but you still weren't there. "Where are you ??". "Last chance if I couldn't find you at school" , I said to myself and walked to your class again. It seemed like playing hide n seek with you ; my heart was very worry about you , I hope I could see your smile but you weren't at class.

As I couldn't find you at school, deciding to leave school and walk to 711 and buy your favorite's ; Strawberry added with Mocha Ice Cream. I took slowly step to walk ; feeling that I was lost just couldn't find you. You were just like my core in my heart ; couldn't live in this world without you. You were the most important accompany/person to me ; we had the same hobbies , favorites and many things to chat. I was very moody.

Walking down and to my destination , my friends asked me about where was you. I couldn't answer. Tough-tied. They invited me to join their team to defeat some ass hole later. I ignored and walked to 711. The distance between my school and 711 which was just nearby ; 45m. It wasn't far. Holding books and walking towards and feeling so much boring without your company.

I arrived at 711 and went in it. It was so hot and sweaty outside. I stepped near to the ice cream section. It bought me back a lot of memories with you when we were having an ice cream together. You ate a bite and I ate. You always want to have the end of cone of the ice cream. In the section, Vanilla , Mocha , Chocolate , Strawberry and Coffee taste to choose or to combine. You always like Strawberry and I like Mocha then we would have it together. But now, I just ate it alone. "Hope you will appear around me".

Walking towards and deciding to pay for the ice cream , staring at the Yupi candy which was the candy you always buy and bring it to school , having it in the class even though the teacher was at class. So, I grabbed a pack and paid. Ice cream and candy were sweet and brought the memories with you and I. You would want me to open the packet and I feed you. You would want me to give the first bite of the ice cream then only my turn to have it. You would want me to walk in front of you then you could see my backside and play me. "?"

Took my step back to home. The way,direction,place to my home ; memories with you after school time and dating time with you. Memories was precious if you were with someone but after those relationship, it wasn't seem so important and it will be the part of your life. Deleting it or recycle it would be the good selection to you because it made you feeling to stay at memories than the true world. "Face the music".

End~